"When we say 'letting go' we are not referring to letting go of the desire to fulfill your dreams" Jill Petigara and Lynn Jenson Yoga and Fertility: A Journey to Health and Healing
I started this blog entry in 2017 and never got it completed because I got pregnant (yay!). I finally received my dream of becoming pregnant with my second child who is now three. I did get my desire fulfilled but to some extent I had to let go.
What I had to let go of was the hyper focusing on the charting, the temp taking, the proper foods to eat, multiple acupuncture treatments, drinking Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs, and having intimacy at "the right time." The long fertility protocols were creating a lot of stress. I did practice yoga and meditation to manage the stress but it wasn't until the day we both were sick that the magic of letting go happened.
My husband, Mark, and I had returned home from visiting his family in Washington state. The long drive had left us tired and run down. Perfect opportunity to get a cold, which both of us ended up with. It was also the time when I was fertile. I said "hey let's give it a go", and thought probably nothing will happen as we were both sick (this was pre COVID and we are married). Intimacy achieved, we carried on by getting back to health in a few days and thought nothing of it.
Few days before my birthday I feel a bit dizzy and light headed a couple of times which made me wonder "am I pregnant?" It was new symptoms pre-period so I checked with a pregnancy test and ... I am pregnant! Not sure that this test was accurate as it was in my closet for a year or more, I decided to get another two to check. On my Birthday I checked and it was a Big Fat Positive.
I have to say it was not the most glamourous intimacy moment to conception. No exotic location (our messy bed) and no chocolates and champagne (hot lemonade). It was nothing special. They only thing we did was to let go of the outcome and in turn we received the outcome we had be desiring for a longtime.
If you are on your fertility journey sometimes you come to realize that you need to let go of all the "right things to do" and let the universe surprise you.